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What I lose every day.

   It's not like I recapitulated, every night, every moment of my day, I just ... I guess I hope to find my mistakes, for when I wake up, do things differently. Maybe different mistakes to know that I tried all the possibilities. We lost friends to whom we had as sisters, lost opportunities, lost courage, lose sense of the ridiculous and the principles and lost mainly ourselves.
   We build friendships with time, and sometimes we try so hard to forget those from childhood. Those that we're ourselves and involving the whole family, from the both. Are you tired of the time lunch at your friend's house and was embarrassed to repeat the food? Not knowing exactly how to call the mother, aunt, by name, or ...? Are you tired of saying compromising things, but she's your best friend; you know that she will laugh really, really hard, about it. Are you tired of trying to make her smile when she was sad? Are you tired of the time he thought he was losing the friendship, but actually it was just a bad day? You get tired, but so far you had no reason to give up. But lost the friendship over little things, like stop calling, or caring about her.
   We wake up with the goal to be happy, sometimes they go away so fast, because it is too cold and we want to stay in the bed. "Good morning," you hear, "Good day only if is for you!" I know that's what you think, but doesn't answer at all. "I gotta go, mom" again is your mother, calling at the most inappropriate moment, just to try to know how you are, "I love you, daughter," she says, but you just turn off. You turn off the phone without saying back. If you knew that this could have been the last chance to tell her how much you love her, maybe it would be a way to thank you for all she has done for you. But no, you did not. Lost opportunities, which is your last chance to redeem yourself.
   "I'll never smoke", lollipops turned into cigarettes. "I will never wear a short skirt" you thought that playing using dress was inappropriate, but today, we wake up on the floor, in a strange place, a headache, a hangover and not remembering anything from the night before. "I will never use drugs," Heroin is no longer the only female of "hero", and you know very well that, even knows the feeling. "I'll wait for the person I love and who will love me too" sex is without commitment and claims not involve feelings. "Respect the differences", "like that singer? You're so gay" is what you say, laughing. You lost your principles, but that's okay, isn't it? Everybody change, right? Opinion is something that you get with knowledge, principle is something that you think is right for you, but it's alright, destroying yourself this way, hum?
   You lost yourself on the way, but some nights, you will stop and ask yourself what you did wrong. That same night you will wanna cry, cause you just notice that you lost youself. And it's not like you can not find the mother inside the supermarket; it is not like wanting to go somewhere and you just don't know how to get there; is not like being in a wood and not knowing how to get back to camp. You want to cry cause you lost and you just don't know why; lost because you forgot what you wanted as a child, lost because, every day, when your sense of judgment tells you that you're wrong, but you ignored. You lost who would like to be, to have turned into who you are right now.
   You lost, and the only harmed here is you.

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